sad day

Yesterday after I put Owen down, I checked my email and saw there was one from Lifeline. I get excited everytime I see an email from my social worker so I opened it anxiously to see what she had to say this time. However, as I read it, my heart filled with sadness. I started crying...she was informing us that our process could be delayed. Not ours specifically but all families adopting from Uganda. You see, more and more families have felt the burden to adopt (which is a GREAT thing!). However, the embassy in Uganda is not prepared to handle all of the expected (upcoming) adoptions. They are hoping to hire more personnel soon but until they do, they are anticipating a backlog.

It is truly a blessing that more and more children will have families. I know this. I do. But to think of my baby waiting even longer, me waiting even longer to hold him/her hurts my heart. It hurts so bad. I have a hard time thinking about it without my eyes filling with tears. I know that God has already chosen the perfect being for our family. I know that he/she is resting in His hands until we can get to him/her. I know that God promises us there is nothing like His timing.

I really do know all of these things. I do.

But it doesn't make the hurt go away.

We have been planning on traveling sometime between May-July if all goes as planned. Now we may be looking at sometime between Sept-Dec. I know in the whole scheme of things this really isn't that much longer but when I get my heart set on something especially when that something is concerning our child, the child that will join our family forever...it is hard.

After reading the email, I called our SW right away at Lifeline. She is so sweet, understanding and gracious and I am so thankful for her. I hadn't even called Andy yet to tell him the news so I was still processing it myself. I just wanted more answers before I told him. I was on the phone for 25 minutes (crying (of course:)) and she kept reassuring me that it might not affect us at all, she just wanted to prepare us for the worst case scenario. And since that is the latest timeline they are telling new families, they wanted it to come from them directly. I so appreciate this. And I am so thankful she did send out the email. It did not however, make it any easier to handle. Selfishly, I am hoping we can sneak in before the craziness happens.

Since yesterday, it seems like everything I read is teaching me/reminding me that our mighty God is in control. Seriously, EVERYTHING! Like this..."I say to you, do not worry about your life..." Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him.....or this... "“It is not by strength, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.” I decided not to ask someone to pray. Instead I simply said, “OK, I’ll trust You”. But it did not come easy."...or this...I saw the Lord always before me, for He is at my right hand that I may not be shaken; therefore my heart was glad, and my tongue rejoiced. My flesh also will dwell in hope. For You will not abandon my soul to Hades, or let your holy one see corruption. You have made known to me paths of life; you will make me full of gladness with your presence.' :: Acts 2:25-28...

Do you think I am supposed to be learning something in this??? I think so...I am sure of it. If because of all of this, I learn trust God more. Or am reminded more often that He WILL NOT fail me or our precious babe. Or if all of this, is so that God may move more to adopt and love on His sweet children...then ultimately, my heart will be happy.

I am so thankful that our God does not grow weary.

He restores us.

He guides us.

He bids us in.

May God be glorified in this wait....may I worship Him more fully in this wait....