how?

people ask us how we do it. how we make it day to day. .. how have we lived in this place of uncertainity for so long..

let me tell you..

it is by the grace of God that we are still standing day in and day out. 

seriously. 

everyday, it is step. by. step. 

by His strength and His strength alone. 

honestly, when i think about it, i love that we are so reliant on god's strength. on His sustenance because at home..it isn't so easy to live step by step because things are easy. and even the hard days aren't hard like they are here because at home..we have power {everyday. alldaylong.}, air conditioning in cars, maids appliances that make life easier, drive thrus, carseats, clean water, hot water, traffic that moves...and many more things that make life easier..

please don't get me wrong, those days at home are still hard. and when i was living them, they were very hard. but without all the conveniences that we are used to at home, the hard seems harder to handle here. harder to bare.  

with everyday, new challenges come but with that come more ways for God to reveal himself. to show that with all that happen, He has just the right thing in mind. we are living day to day, waiting for big things to happen. expecting miraculous things to happen..and in a way i love it. i don't want to live a life where i am so comfortable that i miss out on expecting big things to happen every single day. i want to wake everyday thinking, "okay lord...what is it today??! what are you going to show me?? shock me with today??" i want my littles to realize because of our attitudes that even though our days most often don't look like the way we expected, they are still sweet and full of moments that the Lord has planned. 

this is the day the Lord hath made.

weary. yet encouraged.

at the beginning of the month, i had all these things to share, hopes to let you in on what our days look like but then life happened..and i mean, really happened.

visas expired.
everyone refused to give extensions.
talk of leaving the country.
splitting the family.
information of expired plane tickets and lost credit.
booking my mr.'s flight home.


yes, you read that right. he leaves monday. THIS monday. as in four days.

myohmy. would love a positive ruling right about now.

in all of this craziness, i have been blessed with meeting many new "friends" and being encouraged by them in new ways...blessed with the opportunity to continue walking very closely with a precious family having some troubles from stateside...blessed by seeing god work again and again to perform miracles on a daily basis..{the whole visa saga coming soon}...blessed to see gramma {a's mom} meet her sweet {new} grandchildren for the first time. in AFRICA. and seeing her experience africa. blessed by reading messages and seeing posts of people STILL praying for our family. warms my heart. and brings tears to my eyes...blessed by gift packages packed with love, from home. some packed by strangers-now-friends. blessed with being able to read a post on fb about a friend needing help and being able to respond to it because i am still in africa. so blessed.

but..
with all of that being said, i would be lying if i didn't tell you i am weary.
i am scared.
i hate that my mr. is leaving on monday.
i fear that my sweet, second born son will grieve the loss of his daddy like last time.
that the wait is almost unbearable at times. that this whole living in transition is hard. that i am tired of moving {12 times since dec. 1 not that i am counting:)}....
i wonder if we will ever get a ruling. i fear the results. i fear losing our sweet nya-girl..

as i am overwhelmed by the way i have been feeling and all the fear that is building up, i am reminded that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. {2 tim. 1:7} 

i am reminded that the Lord is fighting for us, we need only to be still. {ex. 14:14}
and that He has commanded us to be strong AND courageous. commanded us not to be afraid, discouraged..because HE {the Lord of the universe} will be with us wherever we go. always. {joshua 1:9}


as i remember these truths...the fear turns to power and strength. to love and courage.

and even though my sweet husband is leaving within a matter of days, i KNOW that i am not alone, because my God will not leave me.

uh..really??

ok..remember when i posted about giving 31 for 31? 

well, apparently you and everyone else across the world gave, 

because guess what???

the total that was raised is an absolutely ridiculous amount. 

in a good way..

so, i am sure our friends at sixtyfeet are still figuring out the exact amount

but for now...the total raised by all of you...

equals..

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

$150,000

and that is before the matching part.

uh. seriously. 

so the grand total is $210,000 in a matter of months. 

that is $90,000 over the dream goal. 

$90,000 above and beyond what we were hoping and praying for!!!!

ohmygoodness. unbelievable. 

thank you friends. 

as we continue to stand in awe at this crazy, ridiculous amount that was raised...know that many, many precious children in ug.anda will be changed forever because of your gift. many hearts will be stirred, many eyes will be opened and many lives will be forever changed. 

********* 

may all the glory be to god. amen.

so far.

bauer's just prayed this as we sat down for breakfast::

"dear god. thank you for home. thank you for home. thank you for food. 

thank you for home. thank you for daddy, momma. 

thank you for owen and thank you for nya. 

AMEN!"

a year ago, my sweet boy didn't have a family.

 he didn't know the love of a brother and sister
or of a mother and father.

 two years ago, my boy didn't have a home. 

he didn't know where his food was coming from. 

he knows now. 

he knows that he will get food. 

he knows he has a home. 

and he knows he has a family. 

he is still learning to love and learning to accept love
but he has come so far. 

his attitude is slowly changing. 

and slowly, he is learning what it looks like to part of a family. 

and what it means to have the love of a mother and father. 

my sweet boy may not know his colors 

and he may think every single animal is a monkey, doggie or zebra ... 

but.... .. he knows he has a family.

when he thanks god for these things, it melts my heart. 

in some ways, it seems to mean more coming from him because

 he truly knows what it is like to be without a home, food and family

when he prays a prayer like that, it makes my heart so happy. my boy doesn't have to go without anymore. he doesn't have to worry about where he is getting food or if he is getting food. 

and most of all, my heart is happy
because he will know the love of a family.
forever and ever.

twentytwelve.

the days are passing faster than i can keep track. 

and the littles are growing bigger, sweeter 

and more confident with each vanishing moment. 

i want this year to be about cherishing. everything. 

the hard times, the good times, the hilarious ones 

and the so-crazy-i-think-i'm-gonna-cry times. 

{that is poop folks. full of giardia. so cool.}

and slowing down. even more than we already have. 

i want to soak in these days like never before. even if they aren't planned..

even if it isn't what we had in mind. 

they are good. oh so good. and we are thankful. 

i want to remember these times for always. 

i want to remember these simple days filled with much laughter and tears. 

i want to be more patient and love more than i ever thought possible. 

i want to give. and give. and give. 

more grace. more patience. more smiles and more hugs. 

more of everything. more of myself. all of myself.

when i am out of energy and am so weary...

i want to muster up the ability to see joy. 

to make joy. even in the mundane. 

i want to laugh. out loud. with my littles and my mr all day long. 

because these days, they are going to be gone way too fast. 

and really, laughing makes all things better. 

this year is going to be good. i just know it.

happy new year sweet friends!