finding the joy.

as i sit here, typing by candlelight, trying to prepare for christmas tomorrow. ..i can't help but think about jesus' momma, mary...riding a donkey for hours, that uncomfortable think-you-are-going-pop-any-minute feeling, arriving in bethlehem so late, after a long, long journey. no room to stay. no where at all. the only thing  available is a manger. wait, really?? a manger...i can't help but feel like maybe on the outside, it wasn't the ideal situation. i am speculating here but i just can't help but think that maybe mary wasn't thrilled with the situation. having her first baby, not to mention the son of God, in a manger?? it just doesn't sound perfect...you know? 

well, here i sit, in uganda with the power out. on christmas. our families are stateside. our friends and community are stateside yet we are here. we hoped and prayed we would be home by now. not ideal. not perfect....or it certainly doesn't seem to be...

although after thinking about it again... even though not ideal, it was God's perfect plan. He did provide a place for mary to give birth. a quiet place {well besides the animals;)} to be alone with her husband and son {and the shepherds..ok..maybe not sooo quiet;)}. a sweet, sweet place for the son of God to be born. i am sure that mary was rejoicing that day she heard her precious son cry for the first time and i bet she couldn't take her eyes off of sweet, baby jesus as he slept. afterall, she was his mother. she did what she had to do...she made the most of it for her family and for her savior. she was fulfilling the plan that God had. i must believe she was bathed in peace, and i am sure she was totally in awe of her precious miracle. 

at first glance our situation is not ideal and not {our} perfect but i do believe it is His. for some reason beyond our understanding, we are still here. we are doing what we have to do. trying to make the most of it and trusting that His timing and plan is way better than ours. as andy and i wrap a few presents to put under the tree that owen and i created today {out of branches cut from a larger tree:)}. we spent time decorating the tree with about 8 ornaments and two stands of beads..oh how i love how simple everything is!!  i have been constantly reminded that it isn't about us. this season is about jesus and the sweet christmas miracle that He was and still is today. He isour christmas miracle.  we have been longing for the wrong thing.   we will get home. i know we will. when...we really don't know. what i do know, is that for now, we are in the perfect place. at just the right time. i just want more of Him. more of his love. more of his patience. more of his desires. less of me. even if it means more of uganda...

of course we miss our families. and friends. so much! but we are trying to revel in the blessing of celebrating our first christmas as a family of 5. we are celebrating what God has done in our lives this past year. ALL of our children have grown so much this year. we all have learned to love more and trust even more. our family is loud. so loud. {and sometimes too loud:)} but what a blessing it is to have 3 children comfortable enough with each other that they feel they can express themselves and voice their opinions. i can rock my babies. all 3 of them because we are under one roof. as one family. oh how i longed for this day last christmas and now that it is here...we will not let it pass without giving thanks. 

tonight we are praising god for his goodness and mercy and grace. and most of all, we are thanking him for the gift of his precious son. because way back when, he knew what was right and without a doubt, i know the same is true today. 

******************

** And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.** {philippians 4:7}

31 for 31

have you heard about the imprisoned children of ug.anda? 
well, there are many. 
and most haven't done a thing worthy of such a sentence. 

they are being held at one of many remand homes. we have been to a few of these places and they will break. your. heart. seriously. it is no place for a child. i don't care what they have done {or haven't done..no person should ever live in these conditions}. it seems as though some of these children are street kids and every time the city decides to "clean up" the streets, they take the children to these homes as a way of "dealing" with the "problem".  not such a good solution. 

many of these precious children have a hope that is indescribable but at the same time, the pain is very visible in their eyes and i can tell the hurt runs deep. 

during one of our visits, i met a young girl about 14. she began to tell me why she was there...and my heart sunk. i can tell you she was wrongfully accused. but there is nothing she can do. she doesn't even know how long she is going to spend in this particular home. my stomach turns even as i write the word "home" .. these places. .. they are not "homes" .... when i think of "home", i think of comfort and love and family and a place to be loved as yourself.

these places are not "homes", they are holding facilities. 

after being away from my "home" for the past 9 1/2 months, i long for my home this holiday season. like me, i know these children long for a place they can truly call home. i know they long to be loved and adored as Christ intended them to be. but they need our help ... this christmas season, we have an opportunity to make a difference in their lives and to get them ONE step closer to the h o m e they so desire and deserve. 

during this past year, we have come to l o v e what sixtyfeet is doing in ug.anda. {they really had us at hello but you know..a good relationship only continues to grow and grow!} we are blown away by the work that is being done in these remand centers and for the sake of these children. 

it has been one of sixtyfeet's vision to get the youngest and most vulnerable children out of these homes and into a new home {yes, a REAL home!!!} on land that will be purchased by sixtyfeet. last christmas they raised $30,000 for this project; however, {as we very well know;)} sometimes, God's timing isn't always that of our own. so this money is still in the bank....

THIS christmas, a group of donors got together and they are matching up to $60,000. YES, you read that right. whatever is given by December 31, will be matched UP TO $60,000. can you imagine what can be done with $150,000??? {$30,000 : raised last year + $60,000 : raised this year + $60,000 : matching grant}  after all this time, the vision has turned into an entire, sustainable community. boys' and girls' houses for the older kids that can be mentored by young adults, homes for the littlest littles and oh. so. much. more!!!! i get teary thinking about all of these sweet children having a future and realizing they are made for SO much more. they would be loved and adored and cherished. oh my goodness...i just get so excited thinking about all the possibilities!!! 

this is a need right now and what a blessing that people are willing to match up to $60,000. 
what a great opportunity to give now and have your money doubled. 

ok, so here's the deal :: in 10 days, i turn 31.

it is my golden birthday .... 31 on the 31st of december. 

it is looking more and more like we won't be home for christmas and we may not even be home by my birthday so to celebrate...{just found out it may be another month...ay iy iy!} 

i was thinking, just for fun, you could donate any amount with a 1 and a 3 in it....for my golden birthday;) i can't think of anything i could want more than for these precious children to be in a place where they could be loved. everyday of the year!! a true home. 

with the matching grant, $3 becomes $6...$13 becomes $26...$31 is now $62...every amount is doubled. see how fun that is??!! to donate directly to sixtyfeet, go here.

we totally understand not everyone can give {we {really} get this;)} so if you can't give then share...share it on fb, on your blog, twitter... everywhere. 

another way to bless sixtyfeet {for free;)} is to go to the Cultivate Wines site and cast a vote for SixtyFeet to win the december grant they're giving away. they are in second place and could very easily win up to $10,000 at the end of the month! i just voted:) you can vote once per day until the end of the year. 

let's bless them abundantly and see the lives of these children continue to change. 


{this just in :: a friend of mine was so moved by what sixtyfeet is doing, she wanted to join in the fun....so if you need to purchase a last minute gift for any woman in your life {or maybe you just want a pair like i do;)}, these are the earrings she is selling in her shop.. click here to purchase these beauties from my friend, Holly's etsy shop!!! {then just view the "sixty feet benefit" in the left hand column. there are a variety to choose from!}

********ALL profits go directly to sixtyfeet!!! {sorry the pic is so small...not so savvy when it comes to bloggy type things including pictures;)}

keepin' it real.

yesterday morning, i woke up to this in my inbox::

and i lost it.

absolutely lost it. 

i crumpled to the floor and broke down in the kind
of tears that just keep coming...

you know the kind where your
whole body shakes...

the kind that only happen when they have been held in
for way. too. long. 

i couldn't pull it together no matter how hard i tried. 

so i sat and cried.

and cried some more. 

i guess the magnitude of this journey hit me. all the waiting.
all the unknowns.

the expected ruling that didn't come.

 {although my husband did remind me that it had only been 1 full day...
yes, it had..but still... ;)}

the holiday season upon us, yet our families
and {most of our} friends are so far away.
so many of our friends are pregnant, adopting
or have new babes that we have never met.
seems like we are missing out on living life with our besties.

the fact that we have had our children for over 9 months
and only my dad has met them. 

no other family member has met them. 

only a handful of new and very dear friends know us as a family of 5. 

we have been living this life in africa for the better part of 2011 

and very few people know our whole family. 

it is a very bizarre feeling. the people who know us best, 

have not met our two youngest children. 

it is so weird. such an odd feeling. 

 when i saw the sweet picture of nya's name on my precious friend, 

mandie's hand, i just couldn't keep it together any longer. 

she is a new and very dear friend. 

she knows us. all 5 of us. together. 

i keep getting comments about how well we are handling all of this and how strong we are and so on..

here's the deal folks. 

we aren't strong. and sometimes, we don't handle it well 

and sometimes, we are all out miserable. 

sometimes i throw myself a pity party and wallow in my sadness. 

but we all have a choice right?? 

each and every one of us has a choice
in every situation that we encounter...

how to respond to the situation and how to view the future.

we are {desperately {trying}} to choose to make the best of it. 

to make the most of our time here. 

and honestly, we have been so blessed because of it. 

it makes me sad to think that this whole time, 

we could have missed out on so much that was in store for us 

if we just closed ourselves in and kept wallowing...

let me tell you...it is a battle..a huge one...

a battle that we have to fight daily. 

and sometimes, even hourly. 

BUT what kind of parents would we be if we didn't {at least} try
to make the most out of this crazy situation?? 

we did choose to stay in country. 

we did choose not to leave our girl.

and for us...we know it was and is the right decision for our family. 

it doesn't make it any easier though.

so ... we fight the battle .. of having a good attitude.

daily. 

hourly.

and some days, minute by minute.

for us.

for our littles.

and mostly for God. to glorify Him.

and really, making the best out of any situation
is so much better than the alternative. 

and hoping for the good is soooo much better than expecting the bad. 

with thanksgiving in our hearts..

there are so many things i would love to share about today

but until we know more..we can't really share too much..

in the meantime, things didn't really go as planned as the morning started off...seemed like things were fighting against us...we were first on the docket but then out of nowhere a huge case became priority because of the nature of it..as the day went on, we didn't know if we would even be heard today; however, at about 245p the judges entered the room and it was our time!!

will save specific details until we get our ruling;) 

for now, know that God's presence was known

 and His peace was upon us the entire time. 

tonight we are praising God for all of the following::

our littles were unbelievably patience and content all. day. long. seriously, from the time we left at 725a until we got back in the car at 4:05p..they were amazing! the ride home was a little LOUD but they were such troopers. we were just so thankful it was all over;)

2 cases were canceled, moved or something...so we were heard right after lunch..such a blessing as this morning, it seemed there was a possibility we weren't going to be heard. or that it was going to be super late before we were even seen.

our lawyer had the proper words at just the right times. he had courage and respect and heart. 

he did a stellar job and we are forever grateful for him.

for our two ameri.can lawyers. for the time and effort they have spent on our behalf. for the clarifying, encouraging and time spent with us even up to the last minute. we are so thankful for them. so, so thankful for how we all "randomly" met about 6-10 weeks ago. LOVE it!! 

for our sweet friend, tammy, who gave up her day to come and sit with us to help wrangle our littles. SUCH a blessing. oh my goodness...so, so helpful!!

for m&ms, jelly beans, gummies, fruit snacks, raisins, orange fanta, strawberry mentos and mountain dew. yes, because that is what you do on court days in africa...you bribe your children with all of these good things;) please don't judge...it should be the last court day in a very, very long time!! 

{and for the record, i didn't give nya mountain dew...after our hearing was finished, she was wandering around the court room while we were re-capping with our lawyer. the pews and chairs all have high backs so while we couldn't see her, we could see a tipped up, glass bottle of mountain dew..she found our lawyer's drink and was helping herself to a little refreshment. we were dying with laughter...we let her partake and share with her brothers because sometimes the enjoyment is way better than stopping the fun. and really, she deserved it..they all did;)} 

we are thankful that we don't have to go back to court again!! when the ruling is completed, our lawyer will get a call to go pick up the written ruling. 

and we are especially thankful that the judges said they would rule "quickly"!!! 

and a delayed court time meant more time of praying time. i had a sweet time of walking with ny around and in the building praying for the day and all that it included. thank you for praying for us and with us. thank you for sharing our story...His story. He is the great author and He isn't done yet...

even if we didn't get the miracle of a positive ruling today...many, many minor miracles happened.
and we are praying our {positive} ruling is coming very, very soon!! 

and we are thankful for every single one of them. 

all of them are gifts from above!!

***************

Every good and perfect gift is from above, 
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 
who does not change like shifting shadows. {james 1:17}

here we go..

it is 6am, i am about to wake the littles as we have to leave in an hour...2.5 hours early so we are sure to make it on time. you never know...this is africa:)

i am anxious, excited, a little nervous but mostly thrilled to see what God has in store today for our sweet family. thank you for praying with us and walking with us. it is an amazing feeling to know that we are being prayed for all over the globe...we can feel the thoughts and prayers..thank you.

gotta go get the littles up BUT...first..no matter what happens today

..to Him be the glory. and honor. and power.

because...our God is greater!!!

round two.

what started out as a 6-10 week trip to Africa to adopt our two precious ones has now turned into a 40 week {and counting} crazy, life-changing journey.
as if the 18 month process before we boarded a plane wasn’t enough…

things have not gone how we expected…funny thing is, it is quite the opposite….it seems like every single thing has gone awry…all the things we have counted on…they have all changed. 

the one thing that has been constant {the only thing} is our God. Seriously. it is THE only thing. He has gotten us through the ups and downs of the past 27 months.

and so we begin round 2 .. or so it seems. 

you see, we went out of town last week to help at a camp up north. it was amazing. words cannot describe the joy and hope we experienced working with the youth of these northern villages. before we left, we packed up our little cottage that we had been renting for the past 6 months. packed up our little african home in hopes that something big is going to happen THIS month. when we arrived back into town, we came to the very home that we were staying at during our first court date for our girl. even after all these months in africa, it feels as if we are starting the process over. the medicals that we had to complete for our visa interviews have expired. so have the pictures for the passport and visa.

so today, we started over. ..…round two.

we went and got pictures taken, got the medical exams completed. and wednesday we go to court. again.

the stakes are high. our hearts are so ready.

she is our daughter. in our hearts and our minds. with our whole beings, she is our daughter. we have cared for her for the past 9 months as our own.

9 months ago today, she came to live with us. we…all of us….have changed during that time. even her. especially her!

9 months ago. .. she pushed us away. she hit us. she refused to look at me. she thrashed around and had so much anger inside of her.  she did not want to be held and she especially didn’t want to cuddle. the sight of food made her so crazy that we had to hide it until it was ready to eat. even after a full meal, she would scream out for more. she would grab and grunt and she never. Ever. full.

all 9 pounds of her {at 10 months} was an angry mess.

now. ..

now, our sweet nya girl has such a joy for life. she is a fighter and a lover and a comforter and a snuggler and a giggler. she LOVES to laugh but she also LOVES to give the stink eye. she is weary of new people but with time, she warms up. she signs all the time and if she doesn’t get her way, she screams. L O U D L Y.  and makes this noise similar to a taradactle … well at least, how I imagine one sounds.

when she is going to bed, she wants her milk and something soft and lovable to cuddle. she loves to bury her head into my chest. AND i can’t leave her sight without her saying, “mama!! Mama!!! MAMA!!!!”. she is easily comforted and LOVES her brothers with all her might. she loves giving kisses and looking deep into our eyes. 

she is a changed babe. and so are we.

as we embark on round two, we pray for huge things to happen….HUGE things to happen THIS week.

for the courts to recognize our bond and the love between our family.  

for the judges to see how she was and how she is now. ..

for a positive ruling to be given on the spot.

for our three littles’ attitudes while we are in court…{last time we were in court, our oldest yelled, “I HAVE to go pee!!! NOW!!!} .. praying that doesn’t happen and that everyone remembers to use their “court voices”.

for the lawyers representing us to be like-minded. for open hearts and ears.

and above else…for His name to be glorified. no matter the outcome. 

because this journey…it’s about Him..not us. 

the {short} story.

it's true.

we have a court date. 

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!!!! 

december 14th is our day. 

we cannot wait. seriously, so excited!!!

we had been waiting 6 months almost to the day. 

we filed {unofficially} on june 2 and on december 1, 

we were granted a court date with the appellate court. ah. so good. 

there are so many things running through my mind but the one thing that i can't shake is thankfulness. 

we are oh so thankful for so many things...

 ...the obvious...

our court date, our sweet children {ugandan and american alike}, time together, safe place to stay, food to eat {not just food to fill our tummies but choices..many, many choices--more on that later!},
the constant provision by so many loved ones AND complete strangers
{thank you for believing...love and community is an amazing thing!}...

...and the not-so-obvious....

spending the last 9 months in africa have been such a blessing!!! hard yes but SUCH a blessing. 

learning the culture of this country that will forever be part of our family has been an absolute treasure.

 that alone has made this journey worth it. the things we will get to share with our littles about their first country is such a gift. one that we would have never planned but we ARE so thankful for. 

the inconveniences of not living in the US. 

sometimes a blessing and sometimes the opposite;) 

we live a very simply life here and i have a feeling whenever we do make it back home, 

we will be changing many things about the way we live and interact. 

it has been refreshing to take a step back and realize what truly is important. 

where we find our value and what we want our kids to grow up thinking and believing. 

the last 9 months have changed us and we are so thankful for the work that God has done in our hearts. we pray that as we look to the future, we would be content with where we are right now. we pray that in the coming days, the things that we say and do would bring more glory to God than ever before. 

even if things don't go the way we planned. 

we will choose to praise Him. 

for today, we are thankful and will continue to be, all the while, praying for our christmas miracle. 

HE is able!!!