Ivan

this video rocked me.

made me cry.

made me think.

made me wonder.

and then just made me mad.

are we doing enough?

clearly, we aren't. yes, there are many people who are doing amazing things. maybe tomorrow i will post about all of them but still...
babies are dying from malaria.

MALARIA.
a preventable disease.

how can we keep on living life like this isn't happening.

we can't. it makes me so mad that i am not doing enough.
i am really struggling with how we (my family) are living because it just isn't right and things need to change. fast. jesus did not sit around and live life while people .... mothers, sons, daughters, fathers, sisters, brothers....died. not ok.

15 months

Our sweet babyu is 15 months today. We know that he loves....

*bananas
*cuddles
*blocks
*juice

We canNOT wait to find out more about our sweet boy.

We also know that he has a serious bout of diarrhea (giardia?). Please pray for our sweet boy's stomach and that if it is giardia, God would heal all of the littles that have it and that it would not return to the babies home!

dear babyu

sweet boy. i am missing you tonight. especially tonight. my body is here living life but my heart is with you. longing to tuck you in. give you kisses and loves. sing to you and rock you to sleep. i want to be there when you first wake up so that i can pick you up, hold you close and tell you how thankful i am for your life. thankful that God has created you perfectly. in His image. i want to tell you how glad i am that we will never have to leave you. we will never, ever leave. 

oh how i want to touch your fingers and toes and memorize exactly how they fit together. i want to know how your hand feels in mine and how your head feels on my shoulder. 

everyone tells me that you want to be held all. day. long. i will hold you until you don't want to be held any longer. we will come when you cry. we will sing when you are sad. we will laugh when you are happy. we will just be. it will be absolutely perfect. 

o-boy can't wait to give you kisses. he already has toys picked out to give you first. he has great plans for playing and he has a spot picked out at the dinner table. almost every night he gets out a cup, plate and spoon for you. just yesterday, he brought us a pair of shoes to wear and we told him they were too small. he looked up at us and said plain as day, "they're for babyu?!" he thinks about you often. and prays for you daily. he is ready to love on his little brother. that's you sweet babyu, you have an older brother. one who loves and adores you. he put up a picture of you by his mirror a couple of weeks ago and can't wait until you are sleeping in the crib next to him. you will love him. he is quiet and shy like you...at first. but he will warm up to you. i am sure you will warm up to him as well. it won't take long. 

we can't wait for the day when we hear you belly laugh..my heart aches to hear you laugh, say mama (i think you are saving your words for us), yell o-boy and get the biggest grin ever when daddy walks through the door after a long day at work. what will you think when you see the chickens? you don't have to be afraid. they give us eggs and really, evra only pecks rooney...not kids:)

i often wonder what you will think of the different sounds that fill our day. the phone. the music. the teapot. the timer. the neighbor's dog. the garbage truck (o-boy's favorite). some will be familiar, others will not. some will scare you, some will make you laugh. you might be surprised at how quiet it is around here...it does get noisy from time to time but you will not be living with as many other babies. for now. we will see what God has in store for us in the coming years:)

oh lovey. some day soon we will get to see you. but for now, enjoy life with all the littles and aunties because this time is irreplaceable. take in the sights and smells. we know that God has sent people to love on you in the meantime and we are so thankful...more friends are coming in a month with some goods from us. God has taken care of you thus far and He will not stop now. Be strong and courageous sweet boy. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. now and forever. 

know that we love you more today than yesterday and tomorrow, we will love you more than today. 

 we will love you forever babyu. know that always. 

seriously?!?!

I ran into a friend today (my husband's family goes way back with her family:) and I am not really sure how it happened or exactly what she said but I started crying. All I can remember her saying is that she will can hug babyu (that's where I lost it:). Turns out she and her husband, along with another couple are going to Ugand.a in a few weeks!! Crazy right?!?! A few weeks back (here), I was saying how unreal it was because so many people I know are going to Ugan.da or have been in the past year...and I didn't even know about this friend. It is so sweet of her to offer. I know her time is limited yet she is making it a priority to stop by the baby home and love on our boy. 

What a gift!

So she is going to take a package for our sweet babyu.  

and hug him. and love him. and tell him we are coming. 

soon. 

one month!

We have known who our sweet boy is for 1 month!! What a blessing to have pictures to look at, a name to call him and a few bits of info to know him better. This month has flown by and it seems like we have known him for so much longer!!

We look at his picture often, pray for him throughout the day and long to be with him. oh how we long to be with him. This wait is hard and sometimes seems unbearable but then when I honestly think about it, I am thankful we have time to prepare...maybe a little too much time to prepare but time nonetheless. There are so many things that need to get done! The list goes on and on and on and on. and on.

And in true international adoption fashion, nothing really seems to go as planned:) For example, our us.cis approval states that our child must be between 0-12 mos...well babyu will be 15 months in a few days so we have to get re-approved for an older child. This shouldn't be a problem but we just sent the addendum off today and it can take anywhere from 30 days-90 days. Our homestudy agency has been working on it for the past few weeks. What should have taken a week has taken a month so in the whole scheme of things I am thankful for the time because I am sure there will be many more things that take longer than expected in the coming months.

People are constantly asking how we can stand to wait. Well...we don't really have a choice...and honestly, there are families that have been waiting since February to travel so one month doesn't seem all that long in the whole scheme of things (praying for all of you to get dates soon!!). And like I said before, there is SO much to do...just off the top of my head...the list includes:

*finish o's 2 and 3 round of shots that have to be ever so spaced out because some of the vaccines contain live cultures. sick.
*a and i have to get blood drawn to know what other shots we need. yuck.
*go paperless (bills)
*put o in a twin bed so babyu can use o's toddler bed. (we think he will be two old for a crib??)
*make the chicken coop larger and bring home the other two from the in-laws (this doesn't seem like a priority but one chicken is getting pecked constantly so we do need to fix this)
*paint the fences before winter comes (this makes it sound like we actually have cold winters;)
*finish fundraising (more on this later)
*train and run a half-marathon (there. i finally said it. more on this later too:)
*accumulate proper suitcases
*get a new car seat
*organize all in country info, important numbers, contacts, etc.
*finish training for Lifeline (which includes reading about 35-50 different articles...good articles!)
*going through o-boy's clothes and picking out some for babyu (can't wait for this!)
*not to mention packing for four of us, getting prescriptions filled, etc...

I know I am forgetting so many things. They are written down somewhere...now if only I could find the list:) Checking things off of this list is a wonderful feeling because that means that we are that much closer to getting our baby boy. At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel...everything will get done. it always does! and while we wait, we are resting in God's perfect timing.

sacrificial living...

{i want to live a sacrificial life. every. single. day.}

"When we think about laying down a life for another we usually think in terms of a singular event. 

But it is possible for us to lay down our lives over the course of a lifetime, 

minute by minute and day by day. 

And it is the work of the Spirit to empower us as we seek to lose ourselves in acts 

of loving kindness and sacrificial living."

- Elaine Puckett
(professor at Candler School of Theology in Atlanta, Georgia)


*thanks Jill!*

it has arrived.

Babyu received the package! YES!

We haven't talked with Mike yet but we got a sweet email from the baby manager today (via our sw) thanking us for the goods and for loving our sweet boy.

MADE my DAY.

Did I mention photos were included as well?? Photos of him with the goods. oh. so. precious.

I think he liked the vitamin box the best. typical toddler :)

He looked so precious in the little shirt and shorts that o-boy picked out. my favorite pic is of him staring at the camera with the biggest grin yet **still no teeth** and a family pic of us right next to him. I am not sure if the sweet aunties did this on purpose but I might consider it our first family portrait. I think I will.

Now if we could only get a live one...

traveling?? when?

planning for december. 

hoping for november.

preparing for the worst february. 

oh lord. please let us travel before christmas. 

more than a gift.

Last week, a good friend stopped by with a gift for me. she had been waiting for us to receive our referral...so I opened the bag to find this adorable sling. 

{side note: last January, we were on our annual moms' getaway up north and we saw this...I was admiring it..couldn't justify it...she remembered...}

I loved wearing o-boy (still do!) and I can guarantee that I will love wearing babyu. I can't wait to get my hands on our sweet boy and put him in this beautiful sling....

just the thought makes me smile (and tear up;).

In almost every photo that we have of our sweet bean, he is snuggling whoever is holding him, holding their fingers or shirt...just a cuddly boy. We got an email today with some new pics and a couple of paragraphs about him from a girl who served at the baby home. 

She wrote this:

 He LOVES to cuddle. He is content to just rest on your hip from sun up to sun down. 

I am so ready to hold him from sun up to sun down...I can't wait!! 

My sweet friend, who gave my the sling, also gave me a beautiful letter. 

This is a portion of it:

P.S.  I love the name of this sling - Marigold, which in the language of flowers means...

"Comfort of the heart and sacred affection"

Perfect meaning for your sweet boy who already loves to love!

Perfect. He does love to love. And so. do. we.

our prayer

Join us in praying this prayer for the aunties who love on our boy and so many more!


May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.    2 Thess 16-17

dear babyu

we love you thiiiiiiiiiis much

                                                              and soooo much more!

Notice the bandaids on o's arms?? He got 3 of the 7 shots he needs for when we go pick up babyu. o-boy was so brave. Earlier in the day, we talked a lot about why he needed to get them, how they would feel and how would give them to him. I told him many times that we were going to Africa to pick up babyu and that even though they might hurt/poke it would help him from getting sick while we were there. I told him that we love babyu so much and that we would do anything for him...even if it hurts us  a little.

Even though he seemed to understand why he was getting a little *medicine* now, I was shocked when there wasn't a peep out of him the whole time she was administering them. I know his nurse is stellar at her job but seriously?? Not even a little flinch!?! Maybe I should learn from him because I know I showed more pain when I got mine:)

It could have been the fact that the doctor gave him a lollipop while we were talking because we were in the room for about 45 minutes talking about o-boy, babyu and traveling. While he was getting the shots, he had to put down the lollipop so maybe he was so eager to get back to his sucker that he didn't notice?? Not sure if it was the talk or the lollipop but I am thankful we are almost half over with his vaccines!

oh happy day cont..

Right now... a teeny box full of goods for babyu is on a plane to Africa with our friend, Mike!! Can you believe it?!?!  Go here to read how it came to be.

I can't tell you how happy it makes us to know that all the things we picked out, handled and loved will be in babyu's hands next week. After we drove away from dropping off the package yesterday, I started crying. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I thought about what babyu will think when he sees his brother's blond white hair, his daddy's huge smile and his mama's green eyes....what his face will look like when he holds the doggie and notices our smell for the first time....what his sweet little chocolate legs will look like in the cute little shorts o-boy picked out and what his little fingers will look like wrapped around the itty toothbrush.....ohhhhh I can't wait to hold him and love him up close!

we didn't put the ball in because it smelled so bad (toxic!). we didn't want it to stink up memphis (the doggie). not pictured: diaper cream and liquid vitamins.

We also included a couple of photos in the book of babyu but you will have to wait to see those;)

We are so thankful for all of the people on this journey with us...and for the friends who have loved on babyu during the first 14 months of his life and for those that will in the coming days and weeks until we get to *meet* him in person. Yes, I did say days and weeks...we are quite hopeful around here!! 

Thank you for blessing us abundantly!

oh happy day

At church on Sunday, I was sharing our photos with a dear friend when she suddenly stopped and said, "we have to find the girl who was sitting in front of us. she is going to Uganda for 6 months and she could take a package to babyu for you!" We went back to look for her, didn't see her but ran into one of the pastors. She asked him if she knew this girl....anyways, he didn't but he did say he was traveling to Africa on Wednesday (TODAY!) and he would love to take a package with him for our sweet boy. After he said that, I realized that he had told me about the trip back in May when my father-in-law was traveling to Uganda but I had forgotten. Funny how many people from our community are going to Africa or have been to Africa in the past year. Most of them are headed to Uganda. Just off the top of my head, I can think of 8 different people/groups. That is a huge amount of people considering how far away it is and how relatively small the country is (roughly the size of Oregon).

So for the past two days we have been trying to gather items to pack up for babyu. Do you know how hard this is?? I didn't expect it to be and maybe it shouldn't be but I really struggled with what to include in the package. The baby home has certain items they need and not like I need a dr. pepper:) but really and truly need (like liquid vitamins, toothbrushes, diaper cream, etc). . It seemed so silly to send him toys and clothes when he is probably in a diaper most often because of the heat and vitamins are way more important than toys. Don't get me wrong, toys are fun and important...maybe just not as important as other things. 


The other thing that was getting me down was that, yes, some of the children have been matched with other families but a lot of them haven't been. So who is going to send them some love?? Both my husband and I feel very strongly that whatever we send should be used for everyone (I think peoplemost feel this way). Last week, we were debating what to send with another friend in a couple of weeks (SO many people going to Uganda!!) and we were talking about liquid vitamins and how much to send. I told him that if we send stuff, it will probably get used for all the children not knowing if he knew this. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "of course it would be used for all the children! The same way babyu benefits from other things sent." Of course! I am so thankful that we agree. Yes, we have been matched with sweet babyu but his friends are our responsibility as well. We are called to care for all orphans-not sure certain ones...and this is just one small thing we can do while we wait to bring our boy home! 


So who is going to send them love??? We are!!


My husband went back and forth on what to include in the small package. After much deliberation, we decided on the follow:

*a photo book-this was a must! (it is sooo cute! soft and flexible too just in case our little guy is teething)
*Memphis-a super soft doggie that we have been sleeping with for the past week and a half so that babyu will get used to our smell.
*shorts and a t-shirt - o-boy picked it out especially for babyu (and the other kids:)
*liquid vitamins
*toss and go sippy cups
*diaper cream
*toothbrush
*an encouraging note for the aunties who love the children EVERYday

treasure

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been in contact with a few different people that have served some time at the home where our sweet boy is living. We have prayed endlessly that babyu would feel loved and adored during this time that we are not with him. Not only does babyu have amazing women caring for him and loving him day in and day out but God has been so faithful in sending men and women to the home to love on the babes. We were given 5 pictures along with our referral. Since July 19, we have been able to collect 19 in addition to our 5. 19 MORE!! Amazing!! 

Our perspective has sure changed since having Owen...I think am positive that within the two months, we easily had a couple hundred photos. And now with our second child we have 24.  Twenty-four...and can I just tell you how precious each one is!?!? Such a treasure. 

It is so amazing to know that he is in a wonderful home that truly has the children's best interest in mind. If he has to be away from us at this point in time, it is so comforting to know he is in the next best place!

Below is a note from one of the girls that has spent time there recently. Enjoy...

**************************************

@@@@@@ is such a great place. It has a very comfortable, home feel to it. The nannies, or aunties, are very friendly and attentive to the kids. Instead of leaving to take a break while we played with the kids they stayed and just spent time with all of us even if there wasn't a lot of child care for them to be doing. I really liked that. 

The babies home had a name that sounded a little funny to me... But the name just sums it up I think. There's a big portion of a wall that has Psalms 68:5-6 painted on it. You feel that being lived out there. There is such a sense of love that's really tangible here, the name is more than a name and it's the way that the people care for the children. Soooo. Basically, even though I fully believe that even the best orphan homes can't replace or care as well as being in family, I do believe your little boy is getting the greatest of care in all ways possible. (But he so needs his Mama's hugs so I'm going to pray like mad that you get to go bring him home soon!)

***************************************

How sweet is that?!

Every bit of info that we can collect is priceless. I know our babyu will one day cherish these little parts of history that we have been able to gather. Hopefully it will help to answer just a few of the questions that he has about his past. I pray he will know he was loved and adored always...since the beginning of his sweet life.

two weeks ago...

on July 19th, WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!! And accepted within an hour an a half. What a good day!!

We are filled with so much joy as we celebrate this sweet news! {"like cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a distant land." ps 25:25}


He (yes, a boy!! Brothers!!!) is so precious! Oh. my. goodness. Such a sweet smile grin, itty hands and beautiful, huge, brown eyes. I have always wanted a brown eyed boy just like A. We seriously can't get over him. O-boy and B-boy (babyu) will be 17 months apart. How. perfect. is. that!?!?! I love it! 


Buddies. Best friends. Sweet, sweet boys!


Many have asked why I haven't blogged until now. 


Good question. 


I am still trying to process everything and quite honestly, I just wasn't ready and I still can't fully articulate my feelings over the past two weeks. While adoption is such a blessing there is much tragedy involved because of loss and uncertainties. We have missed out on so much of babyu's life thus far. He is over a year old and we only have a couple of details about his past which are really hard to swallow. We don't have a whole lot to cherish (YET!). We do have a little info and some pictures...we are receiving more as the days go by from very kind people who have visited him over the past few months (priceless!). We do cherish what we have and are so thankful for what we know but I think I just needed to sit with the news (don't get me wrong, I did make a lot of calls:). 


I needed to enjoy it, celebrate and rejoice in the news of this oh-so-precious, little one that God has chosen to be in our family. After O-boy was born, I didn't want a lot of visitors- partly due to the fact that I went through the ringer in the hospital and partly because I just wanted to relish in the blessing that we had just received. I suppose July 19 was a little like a birth. The more I think about this, the more I believe it. We had been waiting to see a picture...waiting to meet this sweet bean...waiting to know who would join our family next. Waiting to see who God had created....Who we have prayed for, loved and longed for...and after few short minutes, we knew (and a few phone calls but that is a different story:)


Getting the call was surreal. To see his beautiful face was an amazing moment (A and I were on the phone, separated by two states. But that is yet another story:). To read the three brief sentences about his personality was enlightening and to read about what he has endured was painful. So many mixed emotions but so thankful. So thankful. 


So, so thankful.


My eyes are welling up with tears as I think back to that day. Such a gift. One that will forever be ingrained in my heart, soul and mind. 

*so much joy*

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17