crazy is hard

over the course of our adoption, we have been praying about whether or not to bring home 2 children at once. we always wanted the option of adopting a sibling of our child if and when we found out he/she had a brother or sister so we were approved for 2 children. when we originally started this process back in Sept. '09, we thought we would have traveled late spring-early/mid summer...well, because of many delays, we are still waiting to go get our sweet babyu. ... thus our prayers increased, asking God if we should pursue another child...we both started feeling as though our child (another child in addition to babyu) was in Ugan.da. so we discussed it with our agency and decided that we would start looking for our own referral (we agreed to find our next child because if we waited for our agency, we would fall to the bottom of their list....we were not looking to be delayed more....sweet babyu needs to be home. SOON.) we even told our agency that we felt like if this was God's thing, then a child would be matched with us in the next few weeks so that it wouldn't delay our travel because our hope was to pick up both children at the same time...this conversation happened around nov. 10th or 11th. we had a few contacts that we wanted to check with and then we were going to leave it at that..and see what God did...

on nov. 12th, my Mr. came home and asked if i had called anyone or written any emails about another child..i told him that i hadn't yet (too busy getting ready for our boutique)...he then told me with a smile on his face and a sense of urgency that i should...if you have been following our journey then you know that i had the desire to adopt before him so this was SUCH a big change for me. i loved it!! amazing how God works. unbelievable.

the following monday, the 15th, i sent out a few emails, made a couple calls...made another call the 16th or 17th...nothing really came of any of them but one contact told us they would be going to the hospital the following day and to call back in a week.

a week went by..still praying for God's leading...called back and indeed, there was a 3 week old girl. a 3 WEEK old GIRL. she was found on the 15th and we called the next day or the day after....when they went to the hospital, they already had it in their minds that we were to be her family...we were told that her name was Kirabo (pronounced "cheeribo") and means "gift"....then we were asked what we would like to call her....both- still in shock, my husband and i just looked at each other with huge eyes. speechless. were WE this child's family?? YES! we immediately wanted her!! such a GIFT!! at this point, we were already in love! we had been praying for a child and this seemed too good to be true. we didn't fully realize the person was saying that she could be in our family. we got off the phone, giddy with excitement. just taking it all in. a sweet girl. could this be real?? a daughter...?!

we decided to wait a couple of days to call back, check on her and ask if she could be our daughter. we called on wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving...wasn't able to talk, so we woke up early on Thanksgiving and made the call. with butterflies in our tummies (ok, mine for sure...can't speak for the mr:), we said that we felt like SHE was to be our daughter and asked them if this was ok.....we were then told that we had already been matched with her during our last conversation. we did have a good laugh over that... lost in translation i guess.  we didn't really want to assume that was what we were being told. and really, how many times can you ask someone to repeat themselves in one conversation.??

we were ecstatic. thrilled is such an understatement. we had chosen the name Emilyn which means "peaceful home" because we were hoping and praying we could be that peaceful home. my Mr. always wanted an "emi"too..how cute is that?! Emilyn Karibo. Perfect. she would have two older brothers to love on her. All of them would be about 17 months apart...the papers were set to be ready so that we could travel, pick up and return as a family of FIVE. from 3 to 5. yes, crazy. but oh. so. good. ours lives would radically change. but this life is so not about us. we were ready. we called friends and family to share our amazing news. she was part of our family. we longed for her and babyu to be with us on Thanksgiving as we sat around the table. we envisioned next Thanksgiving with all 3 of our children together under one roof...it was pure bliss. we were so thankful and in awe that God was writing this amazing love story. really it couldn't get any better.

friday came and i ordered two little sleepers online for our sweet daughter. thought about her and babyu ALL. day. long. wishing them home. with us. their forever family.

saturday came and i started packing and setting aside some girl clothes that i had been collecting over the years.....

then my dear friend Jen called..i was thrilled to tell her the good news. i hadn't been able to get ahold of her because of the holidays...as soon as she said hello, i knew something was wrong...but we went on to talk about our Thanksgivings...i couldn't keep it in any longer...i blurted out that she was ours....she (in the sweetest, most sensitive voice ever) told me that she died. our baby girl died..

she had an asthma attack and just couldn't fight it. after all, she was just about 8 1/2 lbs (pretty healthy but not strong enough)...they gave her oxygen but it wasn't enough. they tried. they did all they could. but it still wasn't enough. it kills me because it is so preventable. so preventable. she was gone just like that. as fast as her sweet little bean came into our family, she left.

we had no idea when we named her "peaceful home" that God would have other plans for her life. and honestly, i can't think of a more peaceful home than heaven. i just keep wondering why?? why did it seem so perfect. why was it so perfect?? one day she was here and then she was gone.

i can't help but think,  that maybe, just maybe....she was in a little less pain because of all the prayers that were prayed for her in those days. maybe she struggled a little less. maybe, she knew that she was truly loved and adored because that is what we have prayed for babyu since day 1 and that was our prayer for her. even if it was only a few days, she was truly loved. truly loved. part of our family. we knew her name. she was not a statistic to us. she had a sweet face, little lips and precious fingers...

she was loved. and adored.

...she still is..

my help

i lift my eyes up to the hills-
where does my help come from? 
my help comes from the LORD,
the MAKER of heaven and earth.

HE will not let your foot slip-
HE who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, HE who watches over israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

the LORD watches over you-
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

the LORD will keep you from ALL harm-
HE will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and FOREVERMORE.

::psalm 121::

from the Mr.

heard by my sweet Mr. tonight while at dinner: 

"is that a college kid driving THAT car?? 

no way. really?! 

do you know how many adoptions that car could pay for?!?!"

let me just tell you how this melts my heart like you wouldn't believe. i have seen my husband's heart completely change in the past year and a half. God has done a magnificent work! he would have never said that a year ago. how sweet it is to be married to him! (it was always sweet, but especially now:)

ladies--if your hubs is not on the same page...keep praying because God will lead you both in the same direction. once i started praying, i never imagined God would work so fast. 

you see, adoption was never on his radar. never. he was not anti....he had just never thought about it before...God has been working overtime on his heart and soul.

my Mr. has a heart for orphans and is head over heals for our sweet babyu. 

can you say precious?! 

canNOT wait to see what God does in the future. it is going to be big. 

*can't stop smiling*

it's HIS party.

funny how we pray that God would show up. 

funny that we pray that He would come and make His presence known. 

if we only realized that this is HIS party...He is the host...

don't all hosts think of details? ? and the small things?? 

well maybe not all hosts, but good ones do:) 

and He is the best.

my heart is sad...

last week we got the latest update on our sweet boy. it was our first update from the baby home since we got the referral which was back in July....thankfully, we have had a few different friends go over and spend some time with him so we have had a few other updates as well but this one really wrecked me. because of what others had said before, we knew that he was alone often times throughout the day and that the other boys often picked on him (all normal things for little boys living together in one baby home but still...) and take away his toys, books, etc....but to hear it directly from the home was difficult. i am thankful they were/are honest about how life is and how our sweet boy is doing. we wouldn't want it any other way and now we know how to pray more specifically...

the normal updates were wonderful::
*he can now walk without tripping (oh how i wish i had seen his first steps!)
*he eats well and enjoys all kinds of food (he will fit in perfectly!)
*he responds to aunties when they call him (an answer to prayer as we thought he may have endured some hearing loss!!)
*he knows how to use potty (YES!)  
*has gained weight and height (amen!! he is still itty but growing is wonderful!)

this was the hard part to read::

"he likes to play alone sometimes" 

and this....

"he likes aunties attention" 

and this...

"he is always bullied by the older boys who take away his play items" 

these words break this momma's heart. 

i am tearing up as i write this because i want to be with him so badly. 

i so badly want to protect him. and love him. and hold him..

with all of my being i want to be there. 

not here. 

but God has said to *stay* 

and so i will stay (for now;)

and pray like crazy!

::Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go::   joshua 1:9

"So do NOT fear, 

      For I am with YOU;
           Do not be dismayed,
                 for I am YOUR God.
I WILL strengthen you and help you;
      I will uphold YOU  
    with MY RIGHTEOUS right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Do YOU believe this? 

Do you actually comprehend that the GOD of the universe is WITH YOU?? 

The Creator and ALMIGHTY ONE will strengthen YOU and help YOU. 

HE will uphold us!

I think if I fully understood this...
I would NEVER, ever get up off of my knees...

In case you didn't know...

‎::32 million people live in Ug@nda.::

::50% of the population is under 15. That means 16 million are under 15. WOW. 16 MILLION!?::

::Only 30% of the children attend school::

::1/3 people don't have access to clean water::

::8 doctors for every 100,000 people. 100,000 people?! I can't get over this one::

::in 2006, at least 36% of Ugandans were living on less than a $1 a day::

::U.ganda is roughly the same size as Oregon::

::There are at least 2.5 MILLION orphans::

why Uga.nda???

WHY NOT?!!!

a year ago today...

we decided to apply with Lifeline. this is a little snippet from the email i wrote our sw 365 days ago:

"I hope you had a great weekend! We are heart broken over what has been happening in Ugand* with all of the rioting and disagreements. We pray God's peace would reign in K*mpala and all of Ug*nda. 

My husband and I have been prayerfully considering applying with Lifeline since our first conversation and have decided to turn in our application!! We have been working on it for the past few days and will be sending it out on Tuesday. We are so excited!"

it must have been right after the riots but that didn't turn us away. we really felt (and still feel) like God led us to this beautiful country and we are oh. so. thankful for His guidance. the past year has been filled with UPS and downs and many, MANY different twists and turns. 


we were expecting the process to take 8-10 months...if that were the case...we would probably have been home for about 2 months now..
....BUT...
....we would not have been matched with our precious 15 month (almost 16 month) old boy....we would not have been able to contact the nurse/caretaker/friend/mama;) who cared for our boy in the hospital for two weeks and then visited him on a regular basis after he left the hospital....we would not be looking at traveling with our sweet friends over at heirs of Christ....we would not be looking at spending Christmas in our baby boy's birth country (pray with us would you!?!?!).....


.....it just wouldn't have been the sweet love story that our Lord has been painting.

we are in awe.  daily.  at His abundant grace. 

His magnificent blessings. 

and His perfect plan.

*************

thank you Lord for loving us so much that you allow us to be part of YOUR story. somehow you use us...for your abounding glory. you are TOO good!

bitter sweet

this week has been filled with so many highs, it is hard to describe. i actually don't know if there are words to describe how blessed we feel. since last friday, we have been flooded with info on our sweet babyu. God has been working throughout our whole process but in the last week, we have been amazed by the story He has been painting.

seriously. unbelievable. 

i will share more later but know that we have been blessed by all of the encouraging emails, texts, comments and calls from you...thank you for rejoicing with us as we learn more and more about our boy!

********************

on a different note..tonight has been hard (odd, huh?). such a mix of emotions. earlier, i was going through the clothes o-boy has out grown, setting some aside to send to babyu and getting ready for when we return home from Africa. i am not sure what set it off but what started out as a fun filled task turned into a sad, sad event. maybe it is because i was remembering all the good times we had with o when he was itty, knowing that we won't get that time with babyu. or maybe it was that there are so many clothes that babyu will not fit into. because he is 15 months (+ or - ;). there is a lot of life we have missed out on. and while we are so thrilled with all the info we are gathering....completely and utterly in awe of what God is revealing about our amazing love story, we are sad that we have missed so much of babyu's life. 

we don't have a travel date yet. we are praying that we are on a plane before christmas but with international adoption, you just. never. know. we do trust in God's timing. Please. if our homestudy hadn't been lost for a month, we wouldn't be matched with sweet babyu. if ... if.... if.....then we wouldn't have sweet pics of our precious african babe... God is in control and He is the author of the journey we are on.

we trust this with our whole beings.

we find refuge in this knowledge.

but sometimes, i get selfish and i think i know what is best for us. God loves babyu so much more than we do. so much more than we could ever fathom...we love him soooo much that it is hard to imagine.

trying to rest in the love and peace of our Lord because when we do, it makes all of this a little easier to handle.

THE woman..

i just found the woman I have been searching for for the past couple of weeks!!!!!!! 

THE WOMAN who brought our sweet babyu to the baby home. 

THE WOMAN who cared for him for two weeks while he was in the hospital. 

THE ANGEL. 

wow. 

I am shocked, amazed, thankful. 

oh. my. goodness. so thankful I am up so late on this night. 

:::i CANNOT believe it!!!:::

remind me of this..

to all my sweet friends (adoptive friends too) and loved ones who are waiting..it seems like everyone is waiting on something...longing to travel to meet their sweet one, hoping for their womb to be filled with a precious being, awaiting news from specialists, praying for labor pains (literally;) or maybe just waiting for something big to happen..something different....i read these words tonight and thought of you....and you and you...all of you ...

**remember this: God may not do what you want, but He will do what is right ... and best. He's the Father of forward motion. trust Him. He will get you home. and the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast.**  {max lucado}

oh and can someone please remind me of these truths when i am in country. and as we are waiting to travel. and when i am home. and. ... and .... and ... for the rest of my life.............thanks:)

wordless wednesday

{this is may or may not be babyu's hand;)}

Ivan

this video rocked me.

made me cry.

made me think.

made me wonder.

and then just made me mad.

are we doing enough?

clearly, we aren't. yes, there are many people who are doing amazing things. maybe tomorrow i will post about all of them but still...
babies are dying from malaria.

MALARIA.
a preventable disease.

how can we keep on living life like this isn't happening.

we can't. it makes me so mad that i am not doing enough.
i am really struggling with how we (my family) are living because it just isn't right and things need to change. fast. jesus did not sit around and live life while people .... mothers, sons, daughters, fathers, sisters, brothers....died. not ok.

15 months

Our sweet babyu is 15 months today. We know that he loves....

*bananas
*cuddles
*blocks
*juice

We canNOT wait to find out more about our sweet boy.

We also know that he has a serious bout of diarrhea (giardia?). Please pray for our sweet boy's stomach and that if it is giardia, God would heal all of the littles that have it and that it would not return to the babies home!

dear babyu

sweet boy. i am missing you tonight. especially tonight. my body is here living life but my heart is with you. longing to tuck you in. give you kisses and loves. sing to you and rock you to sleep. i want to be there when you first wake up so that i can pick you up, hold you close and tell you how thankful i am for your life. thankful that God has created you perfectly. in His image. i want to tell you how glad i am that we will never have to leave you. we will never, ever leave. 

oh how i want to touch your fingers and toes and memorize exactly how they fit together. i want to know how your hand feels in mine and how your head feels on my shoulder. 

everyone tells me that you want to be held all. day. long. i will hold you until you don't want to be held any longer. we will come when you cry. we will sing when you are sad. we will laugh when you are happy. we will just be. it will be absolutely perfect. 

o-boy can't wait to give you kisses. he already has toys picked out to give you first. he has great plans for playing and he has a spot picked out at the dinner table. almost every night he gets out a cup, plate and spoon for you. just yesterday, he brought us a pair of shoes to wear and we told him they were too small. he looked up at us and said plain as day, "they're for babyu?!" he thinks about you often. and prays for you daily. he is ready to love on his little brother. that's you sweet babyu, you have an older brother. one who loves and adores you. he put up a picture of you by his mirror a couple of weeks ago and can't wait until you are sleeping in the crib next to him. you will love him. he is quiet and shy like you...at first. but he will warm up to you. i am sure you will warm up to him as well. it won't take long. 

we can't wait for the day when we hear you belly laugh..my heart aches to hear you laugh, say mama (i think you are saving your words for us), yell o-boy and get the biggest grin ever when daddy walks through the door after a long day at work. what will you think when you see the chickens? you don't have to be afraid. they give us eggs and really, evra only pecks rooney...not kids:)

i often wonder what you will think of the different sounds that fill our day. the phone. the music. the teapot. the timer. the neighbor's dog. the garbage truck (o-boy's favorite). some will be familiar, others will not. some will scare you, some will make you laugh. you might be surprised at how quiet it is around here...it does get noisy from time to time but you will not be living with as many other babies. for now. we will see what God has in store for us in the coming years:)

oh lovey. some day soon we will get to see you. but for now, enjoy life with all the littles and aunties because this time is irreplaceable. take in the sights and smells. we know that God has sent people to love on you in the meantime and we are so thankful...more friends are coming in a month with some goods from us. God has taken care of you thus far and He will not stop now. Be strong and courageous sweet boy. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. now and forever. 

know that we love you more today than yesterday and tomorrow, we will love you more than today. 

 we will love you forever babyu. know that always. 

seriously?!?!

I ran into a friend today (my husband's family goes way back with her family:) and I am not really sure how it happened or exactly what she said but I started crying. All I can remember her saying is that she will can hug babyu (that's where I lost it:). Turns out she and her husband, along with another couple are going to Ugand.a in a few weeks!! Crazy right?!?! A few weeks back (here), I was saying how unreal it was because so many people I know are going to Ugan.da or have been in the past year...and I didn't even know about this friend. It is so sweet of her to offer. I know her time is limited yet she is making it a priority to stop by the baby home and love on our boy. 

What a gift!

So she is going to take a package for our sweet babyu.  

and hug him. and love him. and tell him we are coming. 

soon. 

one month!

We have known who our sweet boy is for 1 month!! What a blessing to have pictures to look at, a name to call him and a few bits of info to know him better. This month has flown by and it seems like we have known him for so much longer!!

We look at his picture often, pray for him throughout the day and long to be with him. oh how we long to be with him. This wait is hard and sometimes seems unbearable but then when I honestly think about it, I am thankful we have time to prepare...maybe a little too much time to prepare but time nonetheless. There are so many things that need to get done! The list goes on and on and on and on. and on.

And in true international adoption fashion, nothing really seems to go as planned:) For example, our us.cis approval states that our child must be between 0-12 mos...well babyu will be 15 months in a few days so we have to get re-approved for an older child. This shouldn't be a problem but we just sent the addendum off today and it can take anywhere from 30 days-90 days. Our homestudy agency has been working on it for the past few weeks. What should have taken a week has taken a month so in the whole scheme of things I am thankful for the time because I am sure there will be many more things that take longer than expected in the coming months.

People are constantly asking how we can stand to wait. Well...we don't really have a choice...and honestly, there are families that have been waiting since February to travel so one month doesn't seem all that long in the whole scheme of things (praying for all of you to get dates soon!!). And like I said before, there is SO much to do...just off the top of my head...the list includes:

*finish o's 2 and 3 round of shots that have to be ever so spaced out because some of the vaccines contain live cultures. sick.
*a and i have to get blood drawn to know what other shots we need. yuck.
*go paperless (bills)
*put o in a twin bed so babyu can use o's toddler bed. (we think he will be two old for a crib??)
*make the chicken coop larger and bring home the other two from the in-laws (this doesn't seem like a priority but one chicken is getting pecked constantly so we do need to fix this)
*paint the fences before winter comes (this makes it sound like we actually have cold winters;)
*finish fundraising (more on this later)
*train and run a half-marathon (there. i finally said it. more on this later too:)
*accumulate proper suitcases
*get a new car seat
*organize all in country info, important numbers, contacts, etc.
*finish training for Lifeline (which includes reading about 35-50 different articles...good articles!)
*going through o-boy's clothes and picking out some for babyu (can't wait for this!)
*not to mention packing for four of us, getting prescriptions filled, etc...

I know I am forgetting so many things. They are written down somewhere...now if only I could find the list:) Checking things off of this list is a wonderful feeling because that means that we are that much closer to getting our baby boy. At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel...everything will get done. it always does! and while we wait, we are resting in God's perfect timing.

sacrificial living...

{i want to live a sacrificial life. every. single. day.}

"When we think about laying down a life for another we usually think in terms of a singular event. 

But it is possible for us to lay down our lives over the course of a lifetime, 

minute by minute and day by day. 

And it is the work of the Spirit to empower us as we seek to lose ourselves in acts 

of loving kindness and sacrificial living."

- Elaine Puckett
(professor at Candler School of Theology in Atlanta, Georgia)


*thanks Jill!*

it has arrived.

Babyu received the package! YES!

We haven't talked with Mike yet but we got a sweet email from the baby manager today (via our sw) thanking us for the goods and for loving our sweet boy.

MADE my DAY.

Did I mention photos were included as well?? Photos of him with the goods. oh. so. precious.

I think he liked the vitamin box the best. typical toddler :)

He looked so precious in the little shirt and shorts that o-boy picked out. my favorite pic is of him staring at the camera with the biggest grin yet **still no teeth** and a family pic of us right next to him. I am not sure if the sweet aunties did this on purpose but I might consider it our first family portrait. I think I will.

Now if we could only get a live one...

traveling?? when?

planning for december. 

hoping for november.

preparing for the worst february. 

oh lord. please let us travel before christmas. 

more than a gift.

Last week, a good friend stopped by with a gift for me. she had been waiting for us to receive our referral...so I opened the bag to find this adorable sling. 

{side note: last January, we were on our annual moms' getaway up north and we saw this...I was admiring it..couldn't justify it...she remembered...}

I loved wearing o-boy (still do!) and I can guarantee that I will love wearing babyu. I can't wait to get my hands on our sweet boy and put him in this beautiful sling....

just the thought makes me smile (and tear up;).

In almost every photo that we have of our sweet bean, he is snuggling whoever is holding him, holding their fingers or shirt...just a cuddly boy. We got an email today with some new pics and a couple of paragraphs about him from a girl who served at the baby home. 

She wrote this:

 He LOVES to cuddle. He is content to just rest on your hip from sun up to sun down. 

I am so ready to hold him from sun up to sun down...I can't wait!! 

My sweet friend, who gave my the sling, also gave me a beautiful letter. 

This is a portion of it:

P.S.  I love the name of this sling - Marigold, which in the language of flowers means...

"Comfort of the heart and sacred affection"

Perfect meaning for your sweet boy who already loves to love!

Perfect. He does love to love. And so. do. we.

our prayer

Join us in praying this prayer for the aunties who love on our boy and so many more!


May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.    2 Thess 16-17

dear babyu

we love you thiiiiiiiiiis much

                                                              and soooo much more!

Notice the bandaids on o's arms?? He got 3 of the 7 shots he needs for when we go pick up babyu. o-boy was so brave. Earlier in the day, we talked a lot about why he needed to get them, how they would feel and how would give them to him. I told him many times that we were going to Africa to pick up babyu and that even though they might hurt/poke it would help him from getting sick while we were there. I told him that we love babyu so much and that we would do anything for him...even if it hurts us  a little.

Even though he seemed to understand why he was getting a little *medicine* now, I was shocked when there wasn't a peep out of him the whole time she was administering them. I know his nurse is stellar at her job but seriously?? Not even a little flinch!?! Maybe I should learn from him because I know I showed more pain when I got mine:)

It could have been the fact that the doctor gave him a lollipop while we were talking because we were in the room for about 45 minutes talking about o-boy, babyu and traveling. While he was getting the shots, he had to put down the lollipop so maybe he was so eager to get back to his sucker that he didn't notice?? Not sure if it was the talk or the lollipop but I am thankful we are almost half over with his vaccines!

oh happy day cont..

Right now... a teeny box full of goods for babyu is on a plane to Africa with our friend, Mike!! Can you believe it?!?!  Go here to read how it came to be.

I can't tell you how happy it makes us to know that all the things we picked out, handled and loved will be in babyu's hands next week. After we drove away from dropping off the package yesterday, I started crying. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I thought about what babyu will think when he sees his brother's blond white hair, his daddy's huge smile and his mama's green eyes....what his face will look like when he holds the doggie and notices our smell for the first time....what his sweet little chocolate legs will look like in the cute little shorts o-boy picked out and what his little fingers will look like wrapped around the itty toothbrush.....ohhhhh I can't wait to hold him and love him up close!

we didn't put the ball in because it smelled so bad (toxic!). we didn't want it to stink up memphis (the doggie). not pictured: diaper cream and liquid vitamins.

We also included a couple of photos in the book of babyu but you will have to wait to see those;)

We are so thankful for all of the people on this journey with us...and for the friends who have loved on babyu during the first 14 months of his life and for those that will in the coming days and weeks until we get to *meet* him in person. Yes, I did say days and weeks...we are quite hopeful around here!! 

Thank you for blessing us abundantly!

oh happy day

At church on Sunday, I was sharing our photos with a dear friend when she suddenly stopped and said, "we have to find the girl who was sitting in front of us. she is going to Uganda for 6 months and she could take a package to babyu for you!" We went back to look for her, didn't see her but ran into one of the pastors. She asked him if she knew this girl....anyways, he didn't but he did say he was traveling to Africa on Wednesday (TODAY!) and he would love to take a package with him for our sweet boy. After he said that, I realized that he had told me about the trip back in May when my father-in-law was traveling to Uganda but I had forgotten. Funny how many people from our community are going to Africa or have been to Africa in the past year. Most of them are headed to Uganda. Just off the top of my head, I can think of 8 different people/groups. That is a huge amount of people considering how far away it is and how relatively small the country is (roughly the size of Oregon).

So for the past two days we have been trying to gather items to pack up for babyu. Do you know how hard this is?? I didn't expect it to be and maybe it shouldn't be but I really struggled with what to include in the package. The baby home has certain items they need and not like I need a dr. pepper:) but really and truly need (like liquid vitamins, toothbrushes, diaper cream, etc). . It seemed so silly to send him toys and clothes when he is probably in a diaper most often because of the heat and vitamins are way more important than toys. Don't get me wrong, toys are fun and important...maybe just not as important as other things. 


The other thing that was getting me down was that, yes, some of the children have been matched with other families but a lot of them haven't been. So who is going to send them some love?? Both my husband and I feel very strongly that whatever we send should be used for everyone (I think peoplemost feel this way). Last week, we were debating what to send with another friend in a couple of weeks (SO many people going to Uganda!!) and we were talking about liquid vitamins and how much to send. I told him that if we send stuff, it will probably get used for all the children not knowing if he knew this. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "of course it would be used for all the children! The same way babyu benefits from other things sent." Of course! I am so thankful that we agree. Yes, we have been matched with sweet babyu but his friends are our responsibility as well. We are called to care for all orphans-not sure certain ones...and this is just one small thing we can do while we wait to bring our boy home! 


So who is going to send them love??? We are!!


My husband went back and forth on what to include in the small package. After much deliberation, we decided on the follow:

*a photo book-this was a must! (it is sooo cute! soft and flexible too just in case our little guy is teething)
*Memphis-a super soft doggie that we have been sleeping with for the past week and a half so that babyu will get used to our smell.
*shorts and a t-shirt - o-boy picked it out especially for babyu (and the other kids:)
*liquid vitamins
*toss and go sippy cups
*diaper cream
*toothbrush
*an encouraging note for the aunties who love the children EVERYday

treasure

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been in contact with a few different people that have served some time at the home where our sweet boy is living. We have prayed endlessly that babyu would feel loved and adored during this time that we are not with him. Not only does babyu have amazing women caring for him and loving him day in and day out but God has been so faithful in sending men and women to the home to love on the babes. We were given 5 pictures along with our referral. Since July 19, we have been able to collect 19 in addition to our 5. 19 MORE!! Amazing!! 

Our perspective has sure changed since having Owen...I think am positive that within the two months, we easily had a couple hundred photos. And now with our second child we have 24.  Twenty-four...and can I just tell you how precious each one is!?!? Such a treasure. 

It is so amazing to know that he is in a wonderful home that truly has the children's best interest in mind. If he has to be away from us at this point in time, it is so comforting to know he is in the next best place!

Below is a note from one of the girls that has spent time there recently. Enjoy...

**************************************

@@@@@@ is such a great place. It has a very comfortable, home feel to it. The nannies, or aunties, are very friendly and attentive to the kids. Instead of leaving to take a break while we played with the kids they stayed and just spent time with all of us even if there wasn't a lot of child care for them to be doing. I really liked that. 

The babies home had a name that sounded a little funny to me... But the name just sums it up I think. There's a big portion of a wall that has Psalms 68:5-6 painted on it. You feel that being lived out there. There is such a sense of love that's really tangible here, the name is more than a name and it's the way that the people care for the children. Soooo. Basically, even though I fully believe that even the best orphan homes can't replace or care as well as being in family, I do believe your little boy is getting the greatest of care in all ways possible. (But he so needs his Mama's hugs so I'm going to pray like mad that you get to go bring him home soon!)

***************************************

How sweet is that?!

Every bit of info that we can collect is priceless. I know our babyu will one day cherish these little parts of history that we have been able to gather. Hopefully it will help to answer just a few of the questions that he has about his past. I pray he will know he was loved and adored always...since the beginning of his sweet life.

two weeks ago...

on July 19th, WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!! And accepted within an hour an a half. What a good day!!

We are filled with so much joy as we celebrate this sweet news! {"like cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a distant land." ps 25:25}


He (yes, a boy!! Brothers!!!) is so precious! Oh. my. goodness. Such a sweet smile grin, itty hands and beautiful, huge, brown eyes. I have always wanted a brown eyed boy just like A. We seriously can't get over him. O-boy and B-boy (babyu) will be 17 months apart. How. perfect. is. that!?!?! I love it! 


Buddies. Best friends. Sweet, sweet boys!


Many have asked why I haven't blogged until now. 


Good question. 


I am still trying to process everything and quite honestly, I just wasn't ready and I still can't fully articulate my feelings over the past two weeks. While adoption is such a blessing there is much tragedy involved because of loss and uncertainties. We have missed out on so much of babyu's life thus far. He is over a year old and we only have a couple of details about his past which are really hard to swallow. We don't have a whole lot to cherish (YET!). We do have a little info and some pictures...we are receiving more as the days go by from very kind people who have visited him over the past few months (priceless!). We do cherish what we have and are so thankful for what we know but I think I just needed to sit with the news (don't get me wrong, I did make a lot of calls:). 


I needed to enjoy it, celebrate and rejoice in the news of this oh-so-precious, little one that God has chosen to be in our family. After O-boy was born, I didn't want a lot of visitors- partly due to the fact that I went through the ringer in the hospital and partly because I just wanted to relish in the blessing that we had just received. I suppose July 19 was a little like a birth. The more I think about this, the more I believe it. We had been waiting to see a picture...waiting to meet this sweet bean...waiting to know who would join our family next. Waiting to see who God had created....Who we have prayed for, loved and longed for...and after few short minutes, we knew (and a few phone calls but that is a different story:)


Getting the call was surreal. To see his beautiful face was an amazing moment (A and I were on the phone, separated by two states. But that is yet another story:). To read the three brief sentences about his personality was enlightening and to read about what he has endured was painful. So many mixed emotions but so thankful. So thankful. 


So, so thankful.


My eyes are welling up with tears as I think back to that day. Such a gift. One that will forever be ingrained in my heart, soul and mind. 

*so much joy*

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

mid--July?!?!

so...it is almost *mid July*...cautiously hoping for a picture of our sweet baby in the next 48 hours. oh what a good day that will be!

believing this as the days go on...

you are a great God.

your character is holy.

your truth is absolute.

your strength is unending.

your discipline is fair.

your provisions are abundant for our needs.

your light is adequate for our path.

your grace is sufficient for our sins. ..

you are never early, never late. ...

you sent your Son in the fullness of time

and will return at the consummation of time.

your plan is perfect.

bewildering.

puzzling.

troubling.

but perfect.

*Max Lucado*

**days waiting for a referral**

64
(not sure why my picture didn't work...still working on that:)

passports??

We went to get o-boy's passport today and found out we were just in time...the prices go up significantly on Monday, July 12. I think the adult price will be raised by $35 and the children's will increase by $20.

It is already a large sum of money so ....

...if you need a passport, go now to beat the price increase!!

what will you say?

have you ever read a book that you want to underline everything? you hang onto every word? want to write down phrases and reminders on little sheets of paper and post them everywhere in your home?? well for me, right now, it is *hole in our gospel* by Richard Stearns (president of World Vision)...let me tell you, it is amazing..it will rock you. this coupled with *crazy love* (Francis Chan) is a dangerous combo. next is *radical* (David Platt)...i'm in for it. and i can't wait!

if you want to be challenged, convicted and changed - read them.

they will change your life.

there are so many things that i could talk about but one thing that has struck me deeply is how Richard Stearns talks about sin and the difference between commission and omission. he writes about how we as christians come across as intolerant and judgemental because often times we focus on the sin of commission..."when we do something to violate God's commands" so lying, cheating, stealing, sexu@l promi$cuity, etc are all sins of commission.

well, what about the sin of omission??

there are over 2000 verses in the bible about the poor and oppressed. God clearly cares about this but do we?? are we so caught up with other *hot topics* that we are missing the point? i think that we are missing it big time and neglecting God's greatest commandments..."love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."(Matthew 22:37-40).

***love your neighbor as yourself*** i don't think He just meant those living next to us.

what would happen in this world if we truly loved our neighbor {near & FAR} as ourselves. we might just change this world. it just might be "on earth as it is in heaven" -- imagine that?!?!?

the masses may see christians for the love of christ and for nothing else. not for judging. not for hatred. and certainly not for idleness.

i don't know exactly know how this looks for me and my family and i will be the first to tell you that we have got a lot of changes to make in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. but we are changing slowly. we are praying and listening and trying to figure out what this means for our family.

in 20-40 years down the road when our kids and grandkids ask us what we did to eradicate slavery in the year 2010 (because you know there are more slaves now, than there ever has been at any given time)...what will we say??

when they ask us what we did to bring *clean* water to the almost billion people without access (can you believe that many people don't have clean water?!?! seriously? my friend was just telling me about a horse that had $10,000 spent on medical bills...a horse!? REALLY?? i do love animals, but really people, a horse? i just read on charitywater that $20 can give a (ONE) person clean water for 20 years. there is something seriously wrong with this picture.) oh . my . goodness .

and when they ask us what we did to love and care for the 147 million orphans .... what will we say?

honestly, i hope and pray that my husband and i are not asked this... not because we won't have an answer but because if our loved ones have to ask us these questions then that means that we did not do enough. that we did not takes God's word to heart and that we are not living the way we are called to live.

i hope our kids and grandkids will not ask us these questions because they have seen and experienced for themselves what we did during these years to live out the gospel..

..and not just the easy parts.

but all of it.

owen's in love

it is so cute to watch owen fall in love with babyu without ever meeting him. he sets the table for him. he tells us what chair he wants babyu to sit in, brings toys to me that he wants babyu to have, tells me that babyu can wear his clothes that are too small, asks if babyu can have some fruit, sausages, etc (anything and everything we are eating), asks if babyu can swim in the pool and asks to go get babyu. seriously. the other night, while we were driving, owen looked at me and with the sweetest voice ever, asked if we could go get babyu. really?!?! i looked at him with tears in my eyes and all i could say is "soon, soon o"...

he loves him and he has never met him, not even seen a picture of him but the love is there and it runs deep.

i pray as they grow old together, the bond that develops will never be broken. i pray they would change the world together. that they would never be self seeking but always look out for each other. that they would put others first, even before themselves. i would love for them to know what they stand for, know what they believe, to know what is important and never let others persuade them otherwise. i pray that they would encourage one another and always be there for the other. no matter the circumstance.

will it always be peachy?? of course not! i am sure there will be hard times but i pray the hard times would only make their relationship stronger. i love my big brother to pieces. sure, we had hard times growing up (like the time he hand-cuffed me to the deck:) but i love him so much and am so thankful for the blessing he is in my life. i pray that owen would be in babyu's life what my brother has been to me and thankfully still is.


i can't wait to see owen and babyu together....can't wait!

(written Monday, June 21 while unplugged;)

getting closer...

a couple of weeks ago, we received an email from our agency informing us that we should (let me emphasize should) be getting our referral by mid July. we aren't counting down the days (but if we were, we would see a picture within 17 days;) we are however, hoping for good news in the coming weeks. oh to see a picture. i am already in love with babyu but to see a face....ahhhhh. .... i can't wait.


here's to hoping.


soon, babyu, soon we will *meet* you by picture..and i am soooooo excited!

amazed.

we keep a jar in our kitchen to collect all the money for our adoption. one of those vintage, blue jars. it is quite large--i love it. well it has been awhile since we have counted up the money. whenever it is empty, it always seems as though it has a slow start getting filled again. we put in all our spare change, money we find in pockets, random rebates we get in the mail, checks people give us, checks from Just Love Coffee ( you can still buy some!:) and from other fundraisers. today, i finally made time to count it up and put it all in the spreadsheet. we like to keep track of everything:)

guess how much?!?!?!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
$2110.54

can you believe it??? i am amazed! unbelievable, really. wow. i can't stop smiling. we have been so blessed. i have tears in my eyes as i look at the bag to take to the bank. $854 is from our last garage sale and a good amount is from the ugandan necklaces we are selling (yes, we are still selling them...:). it is one of the few times i am worried about walking into the bank with so much cash in my trusty ziploc. oh wow.

thank you. it is because of you all that we even have $$$ to put in our adoption fund. Thank you! your support means so much to us!

one. step. closer.