let's be real..

day in and day out, i get caught up in the craziness of our lives. the coming and going. the routine and/or lack there of. some days with little ones melting more often than not....hard days that are filled with shouting, physical aggression, door slamming and unkind words {and i don't even have teenagers yet!}. these are my days..no, not all of them but a good amount of them. don't get me wrong, we still laugh and joke and wrestle and giggle..we do have good times..sweet, sweet times that i want to remember forever. during those times, i look at my family and just revel in the precious and plentiful blessings that are straight from above. the hard and heavy times are getting farther and farther apart {praise the LORD!} .. we now have a few hard days a week instead of the everyday yuck.

i think one of the reasons i have been so quiet this past year is because i keep waiting for life to change..to return to "normal" .. whatever that is. is there even a normal ?? i would love to hop on here and write about how good things are and how easy our transition has been. but things aren't always good and this transition has been one of the hardest i have ever endured. 

when we got home, people were so excited {so were we!!}. many thought though because we had spent a year together, that we would just jump right in..and we didn't...we endured so many questions {rightfully so!}..and honestly it wasn't even the questions..it was the response after our answers that was so hard to stomach. 

we would often respond with truthful answers. it went something like this:: 

them::'are you so GLAD to be home??"
us::'yes, we are very thankful to be home but it's hard. and overwhelming.' {one of the many responses we would give}
them::'but aren't you THANKFUL that your prayers were answered??"

well of course we are thankful! and we feel so blessed but since when did having a thankful heart mean that everything has to be perfect??  it doesn't mean that at all! we can be thankful and still have difficult days. i wouldn't trade my sweet ones for ANYTHING..nothing in the world would make me love them any less. ever.

but man, some days are hard. really hard. 

and that is okay!

does it change my love for my littles. no! does it change my trust in the Almighty one?? no!! 
does it mean that i am REAL and that my need for a savior is even greater than i ever thought possible?? YES!!!

i think because of the way that i have felt during those times, it has made me more aware of others going through something similar. it seems like many of us {in the 'church'..yes, i am lumping all christians together ;)} aren't okay with just sitting and being..in a rut..or a hard place..or if we are mourning..if we are going through a hard time, many people seem to downplay the hard and difficult times..maybe so we can seem put together? i don't know..i just don't get it anymore..

i have missed this space .. i have missed sharing my heart .. i have missed sharing the work that god is doing in my life and in the lives of those in front of me. 

so, for now, i'm back and so excited about writing again. 

can we make a deal?? 
can we be honest with one another? and encouraging? can we skip the judgement?? 

i'm real folks and so NOT put together!! i'm ready to start sharing my heart again {even if most days, i am a hot mess!}.

so come on, join me...??