hope is...

...the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled. I have to be honest. I have felt a little down the past couple of days. I haven't lost hope completely but I think my hope was lacking. I was hoping for something that didn't happen just yet. you see, there have been a few different circumstances that led me to believe that we MIGHT would be getting our referral sooner rather than later (like last week sooner).

*this whole thing is so silly because with international adoption and probably all adoptions, you can't really count on anything until it actually happens*

It obviously wasn't anything concrete because as of tonight, we still don't have a referral. We haven't even been waiting a month so I officially am bad at waiting:) I was a little bummed at the end of last week but my brother and sister in law came to visit so it was a great distraction. Then on Monday night, I was getting excited again thinking this week could be it. But then Tuesday came and went and I was sad. I had a really great day with o-boy but I didn't really want to talk with anyone else.

It is funny because a referral is kind of like a due date (at least waiting for a referral). When o's due date came and went, I thought "I can do this"...until everyone started calling.... everyone I talked to asked if I was in labor yet. Well obviously not folks or else I wouldn't be on the phone:) and really, if I had o already, they would have known. Now that I am thinking this through, I think that is why I didn't really want to talk to anyone on Tuesday. It was bound to come up and I just didn't want to talk about it. I must say though that I did get quite a few emails encouraging emails. I so appreciated those!

I have spent a lot of time praying about this over the past few days because I don't want to be sad and I certainly don't want to lose hope. (sidenote: my husband is so calm about the whole thing---he is so excited to get our referral and waiting eagerly but he knows it will come at exactly the right time.) I know this as well but just today, I feel complete peace. We trust in a God who knows exactly who our sweet one is and exactly where he/she is. It doesn't really matter when I get the referral (although it would be nice to get it soon:) because God has already orchestrated the whole thing. I am so thankful that God includes us in His plan.

So for today, I am still hoping and eagerly waiting to see my sweet babe's picture.